Christmas Wishes
by lesipiratecat
Summary: Olivia makes a Christmas wish after finding herself once again alone for Christmas. Will Christmas work its magic to make it come true? f/f warnings


Disclaimer: I do not own Law and Order: SVU or any of its characters. They belong to Dick Wolf, NBC, and whoever else.

Note: Merry Christmahanaquansa everyone (even though I probably spelled that so wrong, it's fun to say) and a Happy New Year!

~~~~SVU~~~~

Almost every year it was the same. Christmas for Detective Olivia Benson would be spent alone. There had been a few exceptions over the years; the first Christmas after Elliot and Kathy's fifth kid, Eli, was born she was invited to their house. This time last year, she was on a plane bound for the Bahamas with Brian Cassidy. Then of course there were the years she was on call and spent the holiday chasing leads and/or perps and/or consoling victims, but maybe those shouldn't count. This year, Liv had been happy at first to find that she wasn't on call for Christmas. That had been short lived though when she found out that Brian had VOLUNTEERED to work both Christmas Eve and Day. She had been hurt and furious and confronted him. He told her that he knew it would make him look good and hopefully help to speed his restart in his career along. When she had asked him if the job was more important than her, he had tried to say no but Liv could just tell that, if she made him choose, he would pick the job. Olivia knew Brian was a good guy with a good heart, that he really did care about her. But she was at a point in her life where she was looking for a deep, committed relationship, one that she could count on to always be there. Liv realized that more likely than not, she wouldn't find that with Brian. He was home even less than she was even before he had been promoted up to IAB. It wounded her deeply because she really did love him, but she knew she couldn't stay. So she'd packed a bag with a week's worth of clothes and left for the one place in the world she felt most comfortable, the station house. Despite not being on call, she sat down at her desk and prepared to do some work. Luckily, there weren't many people around; she didn't want to have to explain what had happened to anyone right now. She didn't want to have to explain why, as she bent over her cold case files, she had silent tears streaming down her cheeks.

For another three hours, Liv attempted to distract herself from her heartache with work. But eventually, she gave up and leaned back in her chair. Deciding that maybe some fresh air would help, Liv stood, put on her coat, and headed for the elevator. Once she was outside, she took a deep breath, the freezing air noticeably falling down her throat and into her lungs. She shivered. It was snowing steadily, and already a layer of white had covered the streets, sidewalks, and parked cars around her. Yah, she definitely needed coffee now. Another distraction. She pulled her coat tighter around her as she began to walk. She moved on autopilot, letting her mind fall blank. Even when she finally got up to the counter, she spoke on autopilot, asking for two cups of coffee. As she walked back, sipping from one cup regularly, one single thought entered her mind. _'What's wrong with me?'_ Liv sighed. She loved her job, she really did. But at this point in her life, all she wanted was someone to love her, someone to go home to, wake up with, provide for, to have take care of her, to share the holidays with. Why couldn't she just find someone like that? Liv sighed once again as she remembered she did have that once, but they had just been too young to see it. Alex. Once upon a time, Alex and Liv had been in love. It was the kind of love that changed who you were for the better, the kind of love that kept them warm when it was cold, the kind of love that jumpstarted their hearts whenever they saw each other, the kind of love that buried deep in their souls and refused to ever let go. Of course, at the time, they hadn't realized just how much their love meant to them. Alex's shooting ripped them apart both physically and emotionally. When Alex came back for Connor's trial, they talked about how painful it was to be apart from one another, but they still didn't quite understand what they had. Those three years after Alex was gone, Liv's love for Alex faded into the background as she tried to move on. Liv had started dating more seriously and began to realize what she wanted. When Alex came back yet again, they had both changed a lot, and there was a lot of tension between them; Alex was trying to regain her footing in SVU, and Liv was upset that Alex had never called after she learned she was safe and could leave Witness Protection. Then Alex left again, for Africa; Liv didn't blame her, she had given Alex no reason to stay. She missed Elliot leaving which saddened Liv because she knew Alex would understand. But then she was back again. Alex did her best to comfort Liv about Elliot and asked Liv out on a few dates. She would go but she had also been dating David Haden at the time so things were slow-going between them. When Liv and David broke up, Liv wondered about getting back together with Alex, but once again she was gone; she accepted a job in Europe. And then Cassidy happened. And Lewis. And Brian was there for her during her recovery. Olivia wondered if Alex would keep up her pattern of leaving and then coming back again, but she didn't get her hopes up. She missed the woman who had once been her best friend and lover. She would give anything to have just one more chance to start over with Alex.

Before she went back inside the precinct, Liv looked up to the night sky. Through the falling flakes of snow, she could just barely see the moon's light through the clouds. Closing her eyes, she quietly whispered, "If I could just have one Christmas wish come true, it would be for Alex to come back to me once again." She felt sort of silly and childish making a Christmas wish to the heavens; it's not like she really thought it would work, but it felt sort of nice to speak her deepest desire aloud just to get it off her chest. Shivering again, she quickly headed back inside. She placed one cup on the corner of her desk before gulping down the remains of the second. The hot liquid burned a path down the center of her body, doing its job of warming her up. She sat down once again at her desk, focusing a little easier on the work in front of her. For the next two hours she read through the files, making a few notes here and there, until an odd sound distracted her. She looked up; the sound stopped. Liv could've sworn she knew that noise but, since she could no longer hear it, she shrugged and looked back down. There it was again. A clacking sound. Liv looked toward the hallway leading from the elevator. Again the sound stopped. Liv's brow furrowed as she looked for signs of movement and tried to calm her rapidly beating heart. She was the only person left on the floor. She assumed that the few people she'd seen earlier who were on call had either gone home or were sleeping in the crib. Olivia turned away again just as her watch began beeping. She jumped slightly before looking down at it. It was midnight and officially Christmas Morning. She sighed sadly and said, "Merry Christmas to you Olivia Benson."

"Merry Christmas indeed," a sudden voice spoke. Olivia jumped, standing up to face the unknown with her gun already in her hand and ready to shoot. "Woah! Easy Liv!"

For a moment, she breathed heavily as she panicked, fighting off a flashback of Lewis sneaking up on her in her apartment and holding a gun to her head. She told herself over and over that she had her gun in her hand, and no one was too close to her. She was in the precinct, her home; she was safe. Lewis was behind bars and couldn't possibly be there. She began to calm down and, as the true identity of the other person sank into her mind, Liv returned to reality. She blinked at the other person, trying to clear the hallucination if this was one, but when the vision didn't fade, she gasped in disbelief, "Alex?"

The beautiful blonde smiled warmly, "Hey Liv."

For a moment, Liv stood there frozen with shock. Then she quickly lowered her gun back into its holster as she surged towards Alex. Alex opened her arms to accept Olivia as she reached her. They hugged each other tight, not quite believing they were finally together again. Olivia tried her best not to cry, but she couldn't stop herself from sobbing. She buried her face in the crook of Alex's neck. "God Alex. I'm so glad you're here," she choked out.

Alex squeezed her even tighter as her own tears overflowed. Never for one moment had she ever stopped loving Olivia. It just never seemed to be the right time for them as things were always in the way. Not anymore; she would fight to be by Liv's side forevermore if she had to. Alex could no longer be without Olivia. She kissed the side of Liv's face. "I'm glad I'm here too Liv," she said thickly, "I heard about what happened. I tried to come back earlier I swear, but my boss was an asshole. And-"

"Al, you don't have to explain."

"I know, but I want to- I have to. I want you to know that I tried so hard to come back to you. I wanted to be with you so bad. When Cragen told me what happened, I got sick with worry and fear. I realized how close I was to losing you for good. He could've killed you and I would've never gotten to say goodbye or tell you how much I love you. And I was SO ANGRY that I couldn't get to you," Alex shook as she felt the rage she had felt towards her boss threaten to overtake her. She took a breath, letting Olivia's scent calm her, before continuing, "I was finally able to grab a position back here in New York and flew home as soon as I could. They told me that with the weather, it would be better for me to check in to a hotel by the airport; they weren't allowing the driving service anymore- ya know, potential law suits and all. And I admitted that it may be a good idea at first. But I couldn't wait to see you. I won't even tell you how hard it was to get to your and Cassidy's apartment. I knocked and knocked but no one answered. I was worried that you might be on call. I was ready to give up since I didn't want to bother you if that was the case. But then I just got this feeling that I can't explain. It told me that I had to get to you one way or another." It was then that Olivia noticed Alex was soaked from the knee down, damp everywhere else, and freezing cold. She rubbed her back through her coat and held her closer, hoping to warm her. "It probably wasn't the safest or smartest thing to walk here through the snow but I didn't and still don't care. Liv," Alex pulled away so she could look into the brown eyes she had loved for so long, "I know you're with Brian, but I need to tell you how I feel. I have loved you from the moment we met and I never stopped. Not even for one second. I'm sorry for everything that has happened, for leaving so many times, for those three years I didn't contact you, for never fighting to be with you when I should have. You don't have to tell me you still love me or want to be with me- like I said, I know you're with Brian now. I just want you to know that I love you, and I promise I'm never leaving you again. I'd rather be here as your friend than be somewhere else and nothing to you at all."

"Alex," Olivia breathed. She saw nothing but sincerity and love in the blue eyes looking back into hers. It warmed Olivia's heart and soul to know that Alex still loved her, still loved her enough to fight her way to her simply because she felt the need to. And then Liv remembered the wish she made nearly two hours ago. All she'd wanted was Alex back, and magically that was what she got. It was a Christmas Miracle as far as Liv was concerned. She wasn't going to waste another second as far as Alex was concerned. She grabbed Alex's face and pressed her lips to Alex's. Alex was surprised for a second but reacted with even more passion than she was getting. She wrapped her arms around Liv and pulled their bodies closer together. God, how she'd missed Liv's body against her own. They both melted into the kiss; it felt like a piece of them had finally fallen back into place. When their lungs ran out of air, they pulled away only to rest their foreheads together. "First of all," Liv began, "I'm not with Brian anymore. He chose his job over me, so I left. Second, I'm sorry for everything too. For allowing things to keep us apart when I really just wanted to be with you. And finally, I love you too Alex. I always have. And I want us to be together from now on. I don't want to have to go another day without you."

Alex smiled widely as she got the words her heart had been waiting and wanting to hear. Warmth surged through her, making her shiver as she became more aware of the cold wetness surrounding her.

Olivia frowned, "You have to get out of those clothes before you get sick." She took Alex's hand and pulled her towards her locker where she kept a change of regular clothes as well as gym clothes. She knew Alex would find enjoyment out of wearing her sweats and old NYPD t-shirt so she handed her those. Alex grinned as she accepted them. "Why don't you go change and I'll go get us some fresh coffee?"

"Don't go out in the snow Liv. It's much worse than it was earlier," Alex worried.

Liv could see fear in Alex's eyes, as if the blonde was scared that Liv was going to disappear. "Alright. I won't," she complied easily, "I'll see if I can scrounge up some decent coffee here."

Alex nodded in relief before turning to go change. Liv searched through the cabinets but couldn't find any coffee good enough to make. Fortunately though she found a few packets of hot cocoa and a couple tea bags. She heated up some water and made one of each, whichever Alex didn't want she would drink. She was just finishing up when she felt warm arms wrap around her waist as a body pressed to her back. She jerked a little initially but relaxed when she smelled Alex. "He really got to you didn't he?" Alex couldn't help but whisper. Olivia swallowed roughly and nodded. Alex continued quickly, "I'm sorry. I don't know the specifics, but I don't need to. I'm sure you don't want to talk about it. I just want you to know that I love you no matter what and I will never hurt you again."

Liv once again felt tears fill her eyes. She leaned further back against Alex, letting Alex support most of her weight, knowing that Alex would understand the hidden message of trust. She whispered, "I know Al. I love you too." She closed her eyes and let her head fall back onto Alex's shoulder. After a minute, she felt peace and cleared her throat of the lump. "So do you want the tea or the cocoa?"

"I'll take the cocoa. It'll be perfect on a day like this." Plus, Alex knew the tea would help relax Liv more than the sugar-filled cocoa would. Seeing the damage done to the woman she loved bothered Alex way deep inside her soul, but she was also overwhelmed with respect and love to see how far she had come. She had demanded weekly updates from Cragen while she was gone, so she had heard how bad she had been. Cragen and Cassidy talked to each other so the captain would know how she was at home, and he had passed it on to Alex. Olivia probably had no idea how truly worried and concerned the people around her were, how deep her support system really went. Anyone on the team would be willing to help the brunette in any way they could. But Alex also knew that, even if Olivia did know she could go to any of them, she probably wouldn't. She had chosen Cassidy as her go-to support because they were dating; Alex wanted to throttle him for throwing that away. Now Alex could only hope that Liv would choose her. When Liv allowed Alex to hold her up, Alex knew that she was getting what she wanted; Liv trusted her, and that was more touching than Alex could say. She just wanted Liv to know how much she loved and trusted her in return. "Liv. I want you," she breathed in the brunette's ear.

Olivia shivered at the words. Since Lewis, her libido has not been what it used to be. But in that moment, she felt a jolt of heat surge between her legs, and she knew that she would never not want to be with Alex. "I want you too Al," she turned around to cup Alex's face with one hand. "I'll go get my keys?"

Alex shook her head. "No," she whispered as she leaned in to press a few kisses along Liv's neck, "It's not safe for us to drive or walk, nor do I want to wait that long." She kissed along Liv's jaw. "Please Olivia?"

Hearing Alex practically beg, Olivia's inhibitions melted away. She grabbed Alex's hand and led the way to the crib. She was relieved to find it empty. She pulled Alex in before closing the door and locking it behind her. As soon as she turned around, Alex was on her, unable to wait a moment longer. She pressed her lips to Liv's in a heated, needy kiss. Their hands instantly began roaming over the other's body. It had been so long since they last felt one another yet it felt as if it weren't only yesterday. Clothes were quickly removed and tossed away as they rediscovered each other. Neither were really all that surprised when the other remembered just where and how to touch. Alex remembered without thought how sensitive Olivia's spine was; she gently scraped along it with her fingernails, pleased when she felt the shiver and heard the moan. Olivia retaliated by ghosting her fingertips along the crease between Alex's thigh and her core; Alex twitched and gasped, her legs spreading unconsciously. Alex moved her mouth down to Olivia's breasts, suckling and nipping and licking with just the right amount of pressure. Olivia groaned long and loud; no one had ever been able to get the kind of reaction Alex could get from Liv's body- not even Brian though he had been her most attentive lover besides Alex. Alex was the perfect mixture of gentleness and ferocity. She often led the way and was the one who demanded more while Liv was the more submissive and tender, yet never did she ever hurt Olivia or demand too much. It was as if Alex just simply knew how exactly to drive Olivia wild with desire. It was obvious by the increase in Liv's wetness and need that Alex still held this power. Olivia gently pulled Alex's mouth from her chest and brought their lips back together. She wanted to be sure that Alex knew how much, how deeply Olivia loved her.

Alex practically collapsed under the feeling of the kiss. She didn't know how she could be so lucky as to be with Olivia right here, right now or how the beautiful detective could love her so much after everything that had happened. She felt tears spring to her eyes as she realized just how blessed she was. "I love you so much Liv," Alex whimpered between kisses.

Olivia smiled into the kiss. "I love you too Alexandra," she responded, knowing that Alex secretly loved Liv calling her by her full name, especially when they made love. Slowly, Olivia pushed Alex back until they reached a bed. Knowing that those beds weren't the most comfort, she carefully pushed Alex down on to it, not wanting to hurt her. Alex had almost forgotten how it felt to have a lover take such good care of her when they made love. She laid down and reached out for Liv. Liv laid on her side next to Alex, one arm going under Alex's head and folding to hold on to her hair while the other wrapped protectively around her waist. Alex had never felt as loved as she did when she was with Liv, and now was no exception. Their lips reattached in a slow, deep kiss. After a few moments, Alex slid her hand down Liv's arm until she reached her hand. She interlaced their fingers before breaking the kiss and bringing it to her lips. Blue eyes never left brown as Alex sensually kissed the tip of each finger before sliding their hands down her body. Liv's breath hitched when they finally reached Alex's center. It was hot and throbbing and oh-so-soaking wet. Olivia moaned in anticipation.

"Touch me Liv," Alex whispered.

Olivia swallowed thickly and fought off the need to come right then. Slowly, wanting to take her time, she slid her middle finger through Alex's folds, ghosting over her needy clit. Alex gasped. It had been too long since she went without Liv's touch, the touch that only Olivia could provide. Ever since she had first felt Liv's loving, gentle, worshipping touch, nothing and no one could compare. If Alex even decided to let someone else feel her, she had never reacted like she did when she was with Olivia; she never came like she did when she was with Liv. As a result, Alex had years of need built up, and she knew it wouldn't take long for her to come. As Olivia swirled her finger around her clit yet again, Alex whined wordlessly. Olivia felt a flash a heat through her core at the sound. Wanting more, she pressed her finger inside the blonde. Alex grabbed Liv tighter and pulled their torsos closer together. The feel of breast-on-breast, nipple-on-nipple caused both women to groan and arch into one another. Olivia jerked her arm, pushing deeper inside Alex. Alex cried out in pleasure. Liv pushed a second finger inside and began pumping earnestly.

Alex moaned, "Oh God Liv. Fuck." She panted, feeling her inner muscles begin to twitch and tighten. She was so close. She wanted to come for Olivia, but she also wanted to come with Olivia. "Liv," she gasped, "Liv, can I please touch you? I want us to come together."

Olivia had been so focused on the heavenly feel of Alex that she had pushed her own need to be touched into the background. But hearing that Alex wanted to come when she did, that she wanted to touch her was practically her undoing. She also knew the underlying message behind asking. Not only did Alex want to touch her, she wanted Liv to want to be touched, to be okay with it. After Lewis, her desire to be touched- like her libido- had gone down. Brian always asked but would get a little frustrated when Liv would say no. Olivia somehow knew that she wouldn't have that problem with Alex if she said no; the blonde just wanted to know out of concern and love. It was that level of care, of love that nearly brought Olivia to tears once again. She took a deep breath to push the tears away and answered honestly, "I would like nothing better."

Alex nearly cried with relief. She wanted this to be special. And now she knew it would be. She slid her hand between them and cupped Liv's center. She found the skin there to be hot, wet, and ready for her. Blue eyes met brown to look for any sign of discomfort or regret. When Liv only stared wantonly, lovingly back at her, Alex slowly pressed one finger inside her. Liv inhaled deeply and arched her back, silently demanding more. Alex indulged her by gently adding another. Liv moaned. Alex covered Liv's mouth with her own to steal a passionate kiss as she began to pump her fingers. Liv copied the movements. As they grew closer to their climaxes, the kiss's passion grew and the speed of their fingers increased. Both women could feel their inner muscles getting tighter and tighter. Olivia's hand that was in Alex's hair, gripped it tighter as she had to move her mouth from Alex's to pant. The blonde pulled their bodies as close together as possible. "I'm so close Liv. Nearly there. Oh god baby," she gasped between pants and moans.

Olivia responded by alternating between thrusts with her fingers and curling them rapidly inside Alex, putting the perfect amount of pressure on Alex's g-spot. Alex cried out in pleasure and returned the favor. "Ohhh fuck! Alex!" Olivia moaned.

Alex's muscles clamped down, making thrusting impossible for Liv now. "Liv. I'm gonna come. Come with me love. Please," she begged as she fought off her orgasm just a little longer. She curled her fingers inside Liv with all her might and rubbed her palm against her clit from the outside. Olivia shouted wordlessly. Alex knew she was close. "Please Liv. Come for me," she begged.

Olivia's muscles squeezed her fingers hard as she screamed, "ALEX!" as she came. Alex let out a high pitched cry as she too flung over the edge, clutching desperately at Olivia. They both let their fingers keep moving inside the other to draw out the pleasure. Alex was wound so tight she came again, whimpering. They held on to one another as their gasping, twitching, and shaking slowed and then stopped all together. Finally, they gently pulled out of one another and Alex reached for a blanket. They both knew they couldn't stay naked in case someone came around, but for a few more minutes, they were more than happy to soak in the feeling of skin-on-skin. Alex rolled onto her back, pulling Liv with her so the brunette could lay half on top of her. Olivia sighed in contentment as she rested her head on Alex's chest and listened to the sound of her heartbeat. She noticed that it was perfectly matched with her own, a sure sign that Alex was indeed her soulmate. She smiled, "I can hardly believe my Christmas Wish came true."

"I'm sorry; what?" Alex asked, confused.

Liv held herself up with her forearm and looked down into Alex's eyes as she ghosted her other hand over Alex's cheek. "Before, when you said that you were going to give up on seeing me but then you felt something come over you? That feeling was my Christmas Wish. While I was out getting coffee, I sent a wish to the heavens that, if I could have just one wish come true for Christmas, it would be to have you back," Liv explained, "My wish came true."

Tears filled Alex's eyes. She blinked rapidly to try to force them back, but they fell down the sides of her face. Olivia lightly brushed them away. Alex cupped Olivia's cheek as she breathed, "Oh Liv. You are…" She trailed off when she couldn't think of the words that would properly demonstrate just how amazing the woman was. She was overwhelmed with love. She kissed Liv with all the feelings she had. Olivia read the message loud and clear and responded with as much as she got. When she pulled away, she rested her forehead on Alex's. Alex moved her hand down until she could rest it over Liv's heart. "I love you Olivia. So much. You have always had my heart; my Christmas Wish is to have yours in return."

"Then it looks like both of our wishes came true because my heart has always and will always belong to you," Olivia held Alex's hand to her heart so she could feel the beats that were only for her. "Merry Christmas Alex."

"Merry Christmas Liv." They shared yet another kiss as they were filled with complete joy and love, because for both Alex and Olivia, Christmas had worked its special magic and brought them back together for good.


End file.
